Am I happier since I moved?
I recently changed my life. I decided to leave my lovely Edgewater rental, turn it into a Wes Anderson themed Airbnb, move into a beautiful new loft building close to the office all the while training an entirely new team at Cleveland Flea and planning for our new future together. It's been WILD. It's been scary.
So, am I happier? I was in a pretty severe depression over the Winter where nearly every single day, I woke up filled with anxiety and unhappy. I had a few random days that felt ok, but mostly I felt terrible.
At the end of the year, I was struggling with a team that was falling apart. That was super sad and exhausting and all-encompassing. Entering 2018, I was slightly hopeful and I knew that I had to change something.
I gave myself permission to dream, to really think about if I could have what I truly wanted, what would that be? And here's what I came to:
- A team at Cleveland Flea that would catapult the biz and support me
- A travel schedule that would allow me to become inspired and adventurous again
- More love in my personal life
- A body that I feel good in (more info on how I'm working on that later)
- A place to live that is airy and a breeze to take care of and makes my life easier
- A bedroom where I celebrate waking up (my favorite part of the day is early mornings)
In February, Heidi and I took a trip to Mexico– the first of many trips I'll be taking around the world exploring, researching, enjoying and photographing the world's best markets and makers. It was uncomfortable as fuck. Why? Because I still didn't believe I 'deserved' to go. I didn't save a ton of money to go. I didn't feel pretty (and there were going to be A LOT of photos), and I felt lie I was going to stress Heidi out and her friendship is so important to me. So, I was challenging these thoughts:
- "I don't have enough money to be doing this."
- "I will look terrible in these photos."
- "Heidi will have a terrible time."
The thing is, I didn't have a surplus of money. I didn't look perfect in every photo. And Heidi did have a tough time on one particular day. All of my fears came true. It was tough. But here's what else happened because I was willing to be uncomfortable:
- We had an amazing time in Mexico City, exploring markets and restaurants and Heidi even treated me to a super-special birthday at an amazing restaurant.
- We checked in to the most beautiful resort in Mexico City and woke up high in the tree canopy for 4 days in a row.
- I found a puppy that I brought home with me.
- I decided on that trip that I wanted to change where I lived, so that I could wake up similarly to the hotel in Mexico– a tree house with tons of windows, airy and open to the tree canopy just outside my window.
- We figured out a good way of working on our next trips. And Heidi enjoyed them, which brought me some comfort!
So, then when I returned home, I had a new puppy, was re-building an entirely new team and decided to sign a lease with the Mueller Lofts in Asia Town (just a 5 minute walk from my office). My life began to stress me the f*ck out again. Here were my new batch of thoughts.
- "What if you don't have enough money to pay this new team?"
- "What if they don't like you?"
- "What if this Airbnb is too hard to manage?"
- "Won't I miss Edgewater?"
- "Will Courtney (my landlord / bestie) hate me and hate this?"
- "How will you afford all this new furniture and design for the Inn as well as for your new place?"
- "Why are you doing this?"
Gosh, my brain was having a field day. And the thing is, I kinda forgot that it would do this and I started to believe these thoughts. I almost decided not to move, not to open the Wes Anders Inn, not to get my dream couch made for me, not to make any of these changes. But here's what happened because I pushed through and did it all:
- I wake up every morning in a tree house (much like at that lovely resort) in a giant new bed with a little puppy next to me
- I wake up and can go right into content creation (writing) at my lovely large farm table.
- I can have my team join me at my place, because it's so close to the office and is so well-designed (ie, it doesn't feel like they're infringing on my personal space)
- I've met a ton of fun new people at my building (with friends for Churro, too)
- It was hard getting the Airbnb all set up and helping Courtney know that it would turn out ok (though she was actually 100% on my side and it almost makes me cry to remember that)
- I am proud of myself that I listened to that little voice that said, "Girl, change your life."
- The Airbnb is easy and the guests have been so amazingly fun (even leaving me bottle of wine and little notes)
- I have a lot of efficiency in my personal life (this place is super easy to keep clean and organized) that contributes to me having time to do the things I love, like write + launch a podcast and Flea School Courses.
So, I'm not happier because I moved. I'm happier because I let myself say YES to my heart's desires and then push through the normal bullshit that will happen when you do new things (and move, that shit sucked). I'm happier because I didn't let my lizard brain (that's your primitive brain who only wants you to remain safe) win. I let my heart win.
Happy Saturday, friends!