Modern Dating: It's not you, it's me.

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Every once in a while I'd like to use this space to talk about more than just business, because business ladies have other stuff going on like dating or planning trips or having sex or dealing with anxiety or contemplating having children, so here we are: 5-minute modern dating. Sometimes I get really awesome questions from my clients, like this one,


Q. I GO OUT ON 3-4 DATES WITH SOMEONE ONLY TO BE GHOSTED OR TOLD THAT I'M TOO __________________________ (fill in the blank) AND I WANT TO KNOW, IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?
 

A. Short answer, no. But I do think people find it complicated to talk about this kind of thing or break things off in a positive way. Here's how I think about rejection and being kind to someone when you just don't think it'll work out.  

  • If you're rejected: the number 1 thing to remember is that it's not really about you. Some people don't like even the juiciest peaches, and it's not the peach's fault. It's just that they're not into peaches. So, when someone rejects you, it's not about you, it's about them, always (even if they do say something like, "you're just too ________________ for me," it's still about them, and not about you. And maybe you are too __________________ for them, however it doesn't mean that you won't be perfect for someone else.   
  • If you're letting someone know you're not interested, don't blame it on them (if they did something terrible, that's a different story). Maybe you didn't like this person's style, but that's probably not the reason that you weren't into them. Instead of picking on them for their style, just take responsibility for what it was: you probably didn't really feel it and you were looking for something to 'blame.' Maybe what this revealed is that style and fashion are a significant part of what you'd like your future partner to have an interest in. And since this person doesn't seem to share that, it's just not a great lifestyle fit. That's better to say than "You didn't have good enough style," which is something that is subjective person to person. 

I love all of your questions about love, business, making your dreams a reality and more! So, just send them my way to Stephanie{at}indiefoundry.com!

happy sunday night, friends!

steph

Stephanie Sheldon