Staying in your own lane.


I’m a consultant with a motto of “I’ll make your business by business,” so you probably think I spend most of my time thinking about other people- but I don’t- and here’s why.

I want to become an expert in my own life. An expert friend, partner, boss, creative collaborator, etc.

I see a lot of you in relationships and jobs and friendships talking a whole lot about how your partner, parent, brother, friend, boss, client, customer, employee needs to change.

You’re really convinced of it.

In my own business, I don’t spend much time believing my main customer base (vendors) and my team should be different. But I used to, and I lived in a whole lot of frustration, anger, resentment, sadness, and general disempowerment most of them time.

Because unless people acted EXACTLY like I wanted them to, I couldn’t feel ok.

I speak mostly in this space to bosses and business owners, as well as those looking to do really big things- whether thats change their lives or change their relationships or believe something totally different about themselves than they thought was previously possible.

I DO spend a lot of time telling people what I think they should do, but it’s not what I want them to do, it’s what I know they should do for THEIR goals.

And that’s the real difference between being someone who wants people to change for you, or who helps people get to the dreamiest version of themselves.

Because you allow the people in your life to be exactly who they are, and you work with them to get to their own goals, it becomes necessary to know what makes you happy. To know what your own non-negotiables are in the structure of relationships.

What goals do you have for yourself as a person? As a partner? As a boss? As a client or collaborator or a friend?

In other words, it’s good to stay in your own lane.

I spend a lot of time outlining my dreamiest team. My dreamiest business. My dreamiest relationships. Not because I want people to change but to give them the option to understand me and contribute in a real and authentic way.

I’m willing to let myself not be right for them. I’m willing to let myself be right for me.

Even if someone says, ‘You’re not right for me."‘

And trust me- a lot of people don’t choose me.

But when they do, I know it’s real.

Staying in your own lane:

  • Helps you gain control over your own life and emotions

  • Helps you understand what really matters to you

  • Allows you to love everyone in your life, without needing them to be different

  • Allows you to give people the option to choose you, and then you can both work to maintain what you both agreed to (which is different than asking someone to change for you)

  • Means that you spend time becoming the expert in your own life- your own happiness. Your own quest to live a life you truly love.

  • Means that you can be there for people, truly, because you don’t have any investments in them acting a certain way.

  • Means that you get better at YOUR life as you go.

  • Means that you can trust yourself.

  • Helps you learn to advocate for yourself.

  • Frees you from feeling terrible if someone in your life doesn’t act ‘like you want them to’

  • Helps you speak your own truth

  • Shows others around you that you’re dedicated to improving your own life (and usually your life together with them- whether that’s kids or partners or employees or friends, etc)

So, how do you stay in your own lane?

You begin to get in touch with what YOU love. You focus on your own discomfort. And you stay there. Sounds fun, right?

But hear me out.

You are usually wanting other people to change in order for you to feel better, right? So, that presumes you’re experiencing discomfort already, right?

At least this way, at the end of this discomfort, you’re not only more knowledgable about yourself and your dreams but you’re also less stressed by everyone else.

In other words, you evolve.

And evolving feels really damn good.

Getting to the next version of yourself, seeing that you actually HAVE changed, feels like freedom.

And THAT is worth a little discomfort.