You can change your relationship on your own.
This is my team. The team I dreamed of. The team I had nightmares about. The team I thought was impossible. The team that I had all sorts of thoughts about.
My thoughts shaped what I was able to build in my life. And I was certain that I was not to blame. Here’s how that look for me:
I thought that my job was really hard.
I thought that everyone should understand just how hard it was.
I thought that having a team meant I needed to be perfect for them.
I thought that anyone working for me would hate their jobs and I’d just be so grateful for anyone to be working for me.
The truth is that I was so consumed about what it felt like to have a team that I didn’t do the work required to find, grow and manage a team. I wanted it to be someone else’s job.
But I’m really glad I took that job on.
I wanted someone to take a job from me that I hadn’t even defined. I was so overwhelmed my the feelings those thoughts above created that I’d come to the conclusion that I just shouldn’t be a boss and that someone else should do it for me.
That obviously backfired.
So, what did work?
I changed my thoughts around my team / business:
We’re all in this together.
We’re all imperfect humans working to do nearly-impossible amazing things.
Doing the hard work is a loving act.
It’s not all good on day one- good relationships take time.
More is possible with more support.
My employees love me.
I love having a dedicated and passionate team around.
The right people are out there- you just have to find them.
It’s going to take showing up every single day and be uncomfortable at times.
And when I began to do that, I began to show up in a different way. I built structure. I connected with my team. I realized we ARE in this together. I showed up in the role I’ve always wanted but never thought possible- head coach of the most passionate people in town and head creative of an innovative, rule re-writing, powerful AF business incubator.
I wanted that on day 1.
It took me until day 2,190.
But I didn’t really commit until day 1,825.
It was dramatically quick compared to all the time wringing my hands and wishing my life was different for the first 5 years. From the moment I committed that I would have the BEST team or close my business, it really didn’t take long. Within 2 months of that decision I had put out job descriptions and found Cleveland’s hardest working/biggest fans and began training them in what the business needed.
It would take another 10 months for me to show up as THEIR boss. As the partner they needed.
But once I did, my entire life changed. My relationship to my work, to my team was forever changed.
And I did that on my own. I mean, they work hard. But what I mean is that I never focused on them changing. I focused on myself showing up every day as the boss that they deserve.
And that has made all the difference.
So, yes. You can change your entire relationship on your own.
In fact, I truly recommend it.